this is a surprise
party that I was not invited to
but it was meant for me
celebrating the death of my youth
I know I haven't done right (from year to year, it all becomes a little more clear)
but try as I might (I've grown sore and I'm torn)
I can't fight it
looking back at my own past (despite this hell, I've learned to convince myself)
I tend to end what could have lasted (that there is so much more)
must find a new passion
I can't know what's next
the future is uncertain, of this I'm sure
the only certainty
we will become dust, deep in the dirt
this ghost follows me
through the trees and the alleyways
I cannot escape
it's like a rabid dog salivating
sometimes its asleep
and I'm free to live unafraid
but its always in my dreams
it hides deep in my subterranean sea
and I keep swimming
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